Gifts of Self-sabotage? You may be saying, well, that seems contradictory. But over the years as I have continued to dance with elements of self-sabotage; I have felt the need to extract the gold from this habitual lead-like pattern of destruction.
As a student of all things alchemical; I find satisfaction in taking myself to the very edge of devastation only to find the strength within to turn it all around. Yes, I guess I am a bit of a drama queen; but in my defense; this skills I've acquired have helped me to stretch myself to hold all the colors of life’s rainbow.
I am not a big fan of forced positivity, casual niceties or politeness. For me, raw reality is much tastier than any sugar-coated pretense. Self-sabotage has helped me to get real with myself.
How so?
Well, first of all… we all have, myself included, some subtle fears that creep up on us, whether it’s fear of success or fear of failure; fear is fear and we can’t work through it unless we know it is there.
So, when we sabotage ourselves… The first thing we must ask is why?
I believe it is in that moment of absolute devastation that we remember our strength… that we are impelled to call on our transformational capacities to turn the situation in our favor. Hence, we are gifted expansion, Tantra’s ultimate goal if there is one. And, our feminine enjoys the messy, unknown path of life that moves like an uncontrolled serpent, ready to strike at any moment. She is life itself. A Tantrik Priestess knows that this life is her sacred ground of awakening. She longs to be penetrated by the experience fully and completely… without regrets.
And that brings us to The Six Gifts of Self-Sabotage
1. Self-knowledge
Knowing your weakness is just as important as knowing your strengths. What is that area of your life that keeps tripping you up? Look deeper. Is there a hidden fear that prevents you from just going for it? Procrastination is also a symptom of self-sabotage that must be looked in the face. Taking a step forward despite its presence is the way to courageously claim your ability to befriend your fears and still take that essential action.
2. Self-love is just on the other side of self-sabotage.
The ability to hold yourself in the darkest of times; deepens self-intimacy. When the storm is over, you are like… Wow… I loved myself enough to pull through that!
3. Expansion comes from pushing past the edge of your comfort zone.
Being able to stay centered amidst life’s chaos, even when self-created, is one of the true merits of a Tantrik. Being able to simultaneously hold the duality – dark and light- is what allows us to stretch past labels and let the beauty of life have its way with us.
4. Renewed belief in your own inner strength.
How do we know what we can handle if we don’t put ourselves to the test? In that moment where we need to rally our reserves, we remember our power!
5. Increased capacity to hold more success, abundance and joy comes as a result of being able to hold equal amounts of failure, disappointment and sorrow. YES! If you want to go to the heights you have to be ready to go to the depths.
6. Belief in the eternal nature of the soul and faith in its ability to survive almost anything. No matter how many times we allow ourselves to fall down, we have picked ourselves up that many times as well. It becomes less scary to ride the waves because we know we have what it takes to rise again.
Whether you give into the temptation to destroy everything you have created or go against your best interests or not; just remember that you have the capacity to create your life anew at any moment you choose!
Be like the 'Phoenix rising from the ashes.' The phoenix is a mythical bird with fiery plumage that lives up to 100 years. Near the end of its life, it settles in its nest of twigs which then burns ferociously, reducing the bird and the nest to ashes.
And from those ashes, a fledgling phoenix rises – renewed and reborn.
